Young Atheist in Training?

Originally published on 2/19/11

When I was nine years old, I wrote a story that I now see fits nicely into pointing out the stupidity of religion, although that wasn’t its original intent. Out of the mouths of babes, as they say. At any rate, here it is, in its (slightly) misspelled and (slightly) grammatically incorrect glory:


A Bomb Bigger than Jupiter

Chapter 1: The Future

On the planet Mercury in the town Wemlington, in the year of 572,256,972,534, there is a civilisation that a scientist named Cranker calls “De’ja’ vu. He calls it that because everyone in the world except him and his relitives that live on the other side of Mercury don’t take a step into modern society when it comes to their behavier. They behave like people from the Amizon from a long time ago. They believe in great spirits,they hunt food, everything they do is ANCIENT! Anyway, in this particular future, everyone has a name that would sound weird in the past. Clothes are different. Homes are different. Clocks are different. Everything is different. (Except the behavior of MOST people.)


Chapter 2: I’m Warning you…

Cranker woke up to a baby crying for help. He quickly got out of bed, got dressed, and ran out the door. He saw a family with their baby crying in the distance and ran to them. “What’s wrong with your baby?” he asked. “She’s got ‘Pnemonia'”,said the mother. “Is there anything I can do?” asked Cranker. “Oh, no,” said the mother, “The ‘Great Hawk’ will make her better.” “BOLDERDASH!” said Cranker. “No ‘Great’ what’s-his-name will heal your baby! Medicine will. I’ve got just the thing. (I always carry around medicine in case of emergency.”) He took a bottle of medicine out of his coat pocket. “Here. This should heal your baby in a few days. “Okay,” said the father. With that he poured medicine on Cranker’s head and laughed. “Listen,” Cranker said. “What you did to me was no big deal. But I’m warning you. This De’ja’ vu stuff will get you into trouble someday.” With that he went home to do his “Emergency” experiment which was an experiment he does everyday to make sure there aren’t any emergencies in exactly 2 weeks time. And there hadn’t been any – yet.


Chapter 3: The Emergency

Cranker tied 2 wires together and got an electrical shock. He put one end of the ” new wire” on top of his computer monitor and blew on the other end of the wire. Then, he turned on the computer and some writing came on the screen. This is what he saw: “IN EXACTLY 2 WEEKS AT NOON TIME THE SUN WILL EXPLODE!” He switched off the computer and ran outside to warn everyone. He ran to the “Half World Address” (Which was a microphone that you could talk into and half the world would hear.) and said, “Listen everyone, you will all die unless we leave this planet in 2 weeks. I did my ‘Emergency experiment’ and found out that at noon in exactly 2 weeks, the sun will explode!” “Ha!” somebody nearby shouted, “The sun won’t explode! Even if it will, the ‘Great Tiger’ will save us!” Cranker cursed under his breath. Cranker was going to have one tough time convincing everyone that he was right. He went home to call one of his cousins and tell him: 1. To use his computer to count out everyone on his half of the planet. 2. Make a rocket that goes 100000000 times the speed of light with enough seats for everyone one that side of the planet. 3. To get everyone off this blasted planet before it’s too late!


Chapter 4: Getting Prepared

It was a week and 6 days after Cranker warned his cousin, and Cranker had FINALLY finished a spaceship with enough seats for half the planet encluding himself. Everyone still didn’t believe him. He went to the “Half World Address” to try to tell everyone that his spaceship was ready although he was sure it wouldn’t do him any good. When he got there, he said, “I’m ready to load you on to the spaceship now. Just meet me at Wemlington and then we can get into the spaceship and beat it!” Everyone on the WHOLE half side of the world laughed and said,”Did you ever hear of the ‘Great Tiger’?” “Did you ever hear of ‘Better safe than sorry’?” asked Cranker.


Chapter 5: A Tragic and Fatal Day

Cranker woke up and remembred: TODAY IS THE DAY OF THE EXPLOSION! Cranker looked at his clock. It read: 11:45 A.M.! Only 15 minutes to go! He got up, he didn’t even bother to get dressed. He ran out to the “Half World Address” and said in a disguised voice, “Hey, get in line to see the ‘Great Ones’!” In a few seconds, half the world was in line. Cranker got into his “Super Car” (Which was a car that went very fast.) and went to the back of line and in 12 minutes, everyone was in the spaceship except Cranker. Cranker walked into the spaceship and tried to find a place to sit but there was none. He couldn’t sit in the piolt’s seat because there was a robot piolt and you could get electricuted if you touched parts on it other than the buttons. He walked down the isle and saw his problem: someone had a baby that morning! The baby couldn’t sit on anyone’s lap, it was too dangerous! Cranker was the oldest, he had to go. He set the destination on the robot pilot, and ran out of the spaceship. The rocket took off and was away in a split second. In a few seconds they arrived at the new planet. The other people were saved, but it was too late for Cranker. He was dead. The other people heard the sun explode and realized Cranker was right about it and from that day on, they took a step into modern society.


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